I suffered an extreme battle most of my childhood/teenage years, a skin disorder- eczema. The extremity had caused low self confidence.. I hated my body, I cried all the time about it and we all know hate is a strong word..
I would literally cry whenever I had to visit the doctors yet again, thinking, why am I so ugly, my skin is disgusting, no one would ever lay eyes on me and this is me forever.. I had many check ups as a child and teenager and came home with new bandages on my body made me sick. I felt different, I wanted to be ‘normal’ and have confidence… My mum was obsessed with dressing me up, helped me pose for photos and at points when the condition was not as extreme made me enter model competitions on stage in town and model.. I still had no confidence, even though I had enjoyed it, I always wished I was that girl, you know, the one with bags of confidence, enters a room as if shes got gold stars in her eyes, all eyes on her, her personality grabs attention and shes all round ‘perfect’..
Theres little ol me in the corner knowing even though my skin disorder isnt so bad now, my skin will be bleeding soon, (as if I were 3 people in one body on a period, ha), and bandages on later and back to being ugly, upset and hating my self image..It was constant battle of it’s looking okay-ish to it looks gross.. the battle was on and off for many years..
On top of that I suffered from an eating disorder, which made life for me 10 times worse. An extremely fussy girl, to the point my own mother had to spoon feed me, catered to my very few like of choices and had regular doctor appointments.. So, yeah, how I viewed myself and my body from a young age until 18 was not great. It was shit. I was underweight and suffered from a skin disorder..
I was extremely quiet and shy as a child, so this made matters worse; I felt trapped in this body as a child/teenager and couldn’t voice my thoughts.. Tried my upmost to elude from this nightmare which felt like a never ending cycle of torment.. The person I am, the woman I look at in the mirror is confident, happy and strong. It was completely a different story at most 3/4 years ago.. it was a different world.
When I started university, unless you have been or you are at university, you know it’s a different world. For me, unlike most others, I loved it at the start. I felt free, and most importantly stress free. I come from a strict, christian background and having a mum as a teacher everything was pretty much regimented.. I was not under pressure by parents, at university, I could think for myself and do what I want and suddenly my eczema had slowly disappeared.. I finally hit puberty (I know), I felt as saying, felicia had you decided, without my consent I can’t be on the puberty list…?! Because I started puberty so late and during university times, people back at school thought I had a boob job, or a butt job! Curves came out like Kim kardashians selfies, everywhere, -everyday! For once I wasn’t called a anorexic or mistaken for my younger brother (as I was flat as a pancake)! My ex (first bf) had cooked for me and we ended up cooking together most days, taught me how to love food and try different types; so I ended up eating, a lot (of chicken) and loving food like I had never imagined. My eating disorder slowly became less of a problem! I had never felt so confidence and happier in my life.. I was healthy, had a curvy sexy shape, which I loved and I thanked God, sad, I know, that I can actually look in the mirror and see myself looking healthy, glowing like glitter and feeling pretty for once..When my ex (first bf) took photos of me smiling, he told me I was the prettiest girl he had ever met and at 18, as every teenager would feel, I felt confident. Surround yourself with people who makes you feel good! I started to love the way I looked and felt happy with this body of mine. Whenever people are like, oh hey, another selfie, or how many photos do you have? I honestly feel like saying, 18 years of my life, I felt so ugly, cried so much over my appearance I just hated it, so this is me feeling beautiful and happy. I am celebrating a body of mine which I once hated. Photos of me posing on my facebook display picture, or instagram/blog photos are me being confident, sassy and sexy..for once.
When I’m stuffing my face with 5 spring rolls in my oversized t shirt looking like a rat dragged in from the rain and someone comments ‘beautiful’ or ‘perfect’ I just laugh.. I’m far from it, I have scars, stretch marks and I’m not hugely toned.. and I don’t believe it. Especially when people are like ‘you have a body to die for’, ‘I envy your double DDs and kim k ass’ or ‘I want your face’ I almost think this body suffered so much I don’t think you’d want to swap! I’m far from perfect, far from what people perceive me to be.. Most of all it saddens me when people don’t know what I’ve been through, so they think I’ve had this epic body confidence my whole life and they feel shit for not looking like my instagram pictures! I receive messages now and then, saying ‘I wish I was confident, or as sexy, or what not like you! I’m like I have only recently become this woman, I know how you feel, I can relate and it was not an easy journey for me at all! So when others throw their low self esteem at me, I want to throw them to the mirror and say you are beautiful. Don’t ever wish you were someone else!
Majority of my life I have never felt beautiful at all.. and for once, I don’t care if people think taking selfies, or sexy pictures, or what not, a trait of being self obsessed or sucked into this digital generation narcissistic.. You probably think so, I read psychology too, I know how to spot one.. But if you don’t know the person you can’t judge.. it’s honestly me just being happy with the woman I am today and wanting to show that dark side of myself a big ‘ef you’ for making me feel anything but beautiful. Because for the last few years (especially this year), I can look in the mirror and not have tears rolling down my face. I am confident.
Truth? Confidence takes time, you grow, you learn, you meet new places and end up at new adventures.. You end up loving yourself.
So here are my 5 ways to boost body confidence:
1) WEAR what YOU want:
I love how clothes can make you feel amazing and instantly change your mood.. Clothes can be liberating, in a click can inject your personality; we all look different, even in the same outfit.. So wear what makes you feel confident!
2) SURROUND yourself around POSITIVE people:
Everyone in my life makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel confident anduplifts my mood! Don’t stick around people who make you feel worthless, who are judgemental and who are superficial. We all have different body shapes and sizes, as a human, as a soul you are beautiful. Beauty changes.. you can buy it these days and probably end up with a lipkit if you’re lucky haha (kylie jenner joke).. so yeah, be around people who love you for you!
3) SET deadlines..
Finish your assignment, or coughs, xtine, finish your blog post? Go out and pamper yourself, get your hair and nails done.. or buy that top you’ve eyed up from Topshop. I love setting up goals for myself, it will enhance your life and motivate you.. so whether they are actually directly linked to your body or not, once you’ve lifted your self esteem you will feel incredibly confident!
4) TALK about it..
Talk to your bf, your mum, your doctor, someone anon online.. you never know someone could be feeling the same! They may have top tips, or support you at least! You bf may even love all the parts you hate and you’ll receive a compliment or two from people and see your body in a different light!
5) LET go of perfection..
Trust me those Instagram girls, yes half naked ones everyone seems to love… she probably has more insecurities than you.. kylie jenner? everyone thinks shes perfect, but she’s had so much done.. you don’t need to strive for anything else which you werent born with.. I personally believe natural beauty is number one. Always give yourself permission to make mistakes in life and know that no one was born looking perfect. Love your imperfections.. you never know someone could fall in love with it! And don’t forget to smile, it makes you appear a lot more confident and teaches your brain you are too..
Have a great week!